As I sit in my room looking at the chaos surrounding me, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
I have an amazing apartment. It’s in a great neighborhood and walking distance to 4 (FOUR!) grocery stores, numerous restaurants, and even three different bus lines. It has continuous sidewalks. You know how sometimes they’re every other block or on alternating sides of the road? Not here. It’s continuous on both sides and I love it. The rent is cheap. My neighbors are great. I’ve never seen a cockroach or other unwanted insect, except there was a giant praying mantis outside once but that was outside so whatevs.
I have a job. I don’t really like it, but I have one (though my coworkers are amazing). I have a car that’s almost brand new. I have a life. I have a routine. Everything is settled and I’m content and able to buy anything I want while still saving pretty significantly every month.
How can I leave all of this behind? Have I lost my mind? The past few weeks I’ve been selling everything and now I’m donating and storing the remains. Who does that?
I made this decision way back in the Spring, but as I sit and procrastinate before I make this huge purge.. I find myself having second thoughts. Society tells us what we want. A mortgage, a car payment, credit card debt, a cubicle with a nice small plant and some picture frames. But is that what I want? Am I wrong for wanting to try something else?
Multiple people have asked me if I’m sure about this. If I’ve thought this through. But anyone who has known me for more than 5 minutes knows how anal I am and how deeply I plan things. I’d love to be more spontaneous, but I’m not. I plan. And I make backup plans. I have loose plans through the end of 2017 and concrete plans through May (only because not all volunteer project hosts were able to confirm availability so far in advance).
I am not taking this decision lightly. I know what I want. When I’m 80, I want to look back and remember all of the fun things I did. I don’t want to keep living the same year over and over.
As a person who loves planning, I do appreciate stability. But right now I want a challenge. I feel stagnant.. I want something new, I want to grow. Maybe when I get back I’ll follow society’s norms, but as I stand right now at this precipice and prepare to jump.. I am so excited for this new beginning.
I think that fear and having second thoughts are healthy. It shows that I’m considering all sides and carefully weighing my options. It shows that I’m not walking into this with my head in the clouds thinking that the world is painted in rainbows.
I always get nervous and am overcome with second thoughts before going, but it always ends up being a wonderful experience and I’m sure that this time will be no different. It’s going to be hard, but you can’t learn or grow without a challenge. I can do this.