Diary 1 – Settling Back In.

I’ve been back in the US for 4.5 days. Four and a half days.

I don’t think I’m going to be sharing these posts publicly on facebook anymore, but I’m not going to stop writing them. It’s relaxing to reflect on things and much faster than writing by hand. Plus I hate the clutter of notebooks.

I don’t know how I feel right now. Kind of in a suspended depressive state. I had so many plans and hopes pinned on this trip and they didn’t work out. Everyone knew that I was going for about a year and I barely made it two months. I couldn’t really avoid it though.. after everything that happened any how much money I wasted.

For the first time in my life I had saved thousands of dollars. I left the apartment that I loved. The car I loved. I donated most of my clothes, that weren’t cheap, and the memories I made in them. But maybe it’s for the best. To practice detachment. To settle back into my minimalist fascination from a few years ago. To not be weighed down by possessions.

I’ve been crashing on my sister’s couch the past few days which I appreciate but I desperately long to unpack my things. My friend who took over my lease said that I could go back there. It’s only a one bedroom, but I’m familiar with it and it’ll be nice to have some normalcy for a bit. It’ll be nice to unpack. To be walking distance from groceries, pizza, donuts, and buses.

Applying for jobs is exhausting. I think I’ve sent out my resume to 50 places. Some in Bloomington, Decatur, Peoria, and insurance specific targets around the country. The past five years my focus has been on travel. I’ve left numerous jobs that were promising because they wouldn’t approve months of vacation at a time. I was actually quite proud of that. I always told myself that corporations don’t care about their employees, why should employees make corporations priorities in their plans and lives. A sentiment that I still believe to some extent, but I’ll be taking a vacation from vacations for a bit. I had planned Ireland for the summer and Iceland for the winter, but I’d much prefer to be in one place for some time.

The book that I decided to write is still in progress but I haven’t touched it in days. My focus right now is refreshing job websites every five minutes and applying for everything that I can.

I bought a laptop. An HP Pavilion touch-screen with a hinge that allows you to flip it to be a tablet. I needed something to update and send my resume from as well as typing out the book I’ve been working on. I also got a new phone after the disaster that happened in Bangalore. A Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge which I am obsessed with. I should probably get a case though. Nothing like electronics retail therapy lol.

I guess that’s everything for now. Except for Lorde’s new song, Liability is incredible. I’ve had in on repeat for the last 3 days. Her new album is due out in June and I cannot wait. Hopefully she comes here on tour, and I’ll also be seeing Garth Brooks and Ed Sheeran this year which will be fun.

The period of time when you get back from a long vacation always feels a bit empty, just a little moreso this time around. I strongly doubt anyone is reading this, but if you are – please don’t think I’m crazy. I’ll be back to normal in a bit.

See you next time 🙂


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