It’s been nearly a month now since I got back. Life is fading back into normalcy. Slowly but surely. With each day it feels more and more like I never left. But my anxiety is ever increasing.
The new job I started that I’d expressed concern over has actually turned around quite drastically. I was feeling really overwhelmed, but I stuck with it because they people all seemed genuinely nice. I really like talking to them and my personality, as much as I hate it, is a bit reflective of my surroundings. So in being surrounded by people who use proper vocabularies and more complex thought processes, I’ve felt a shift in my behavior that I quite enjoy. I wish I was only reflective of myself, but I’ve always been a bit like this I guess.
I applied for an apartment Monday and I’m just waiting to hear back. I hope that I get it. I can’t live with my friend anymore. We fight everyday and I’m slowly losing my mind. I ordered from Blue Apron, a food subscription service (basically you pay a monthly fee and they send you 3 recipe cards and all of the ingredients for it which is great when you’re far too picky, as I am, to decide what to make), but was unable to make anything because my friend refuses to clean up after themselves in the kitchen and I’m sure as hell not going to do it. If I don’t participate in the eating or the cooking, there’s no way I’m involving myself in the cleaning process. They’ve used the ‘the lease is in my name’ argument, but I gave it to them. It was in my name for years. I’m not asserting authority, I just want a saucepan and a plate. I just feel suffocated.
I finally arranged to get restarted on my health insurance. So as of May 1 I will be insured. I hate when I don’t have any because I’m so paranoid of something happening. I did some research and I’m thinking of getting therapy for my anxiety if I can get it covered. Since everything that happened it’s spiraling a bit too much and I just want to get it under control. I’m thinking of getting invisalign as well. This anxiety has me biting my nails which is completely effing with the alignment of my teeth.
I made friends with the people on the bus yesterday. On my morning bus there are always two girls. One is always either cross stitching or playing Pokemon Go. Her name is Caitlin. The other is always with her daughter. She is Amanda. Yesterday we talked a lot, today not a word. Did I say something wrong? Act wrong? I don’t know why I over-analyze 10 minute interactions for 10 days. I try to make friends but it’s difficult. I don’t know what to say or what to do. Or how to follow up. I feel like everyone else had a crash course in all of this and even after all of my 27 years I still don’t have a grasp on any of this.
My whining took a small intermission to watch my old Albino Rhymo videos lol.
See you later 🙂 Hopefully everything settles down soon and my life can be back on track. I really wish I could just go back 6 months and cancel everything, but I have to keep reminding myself that everything that happened had some purpose and that’s why it happened. I’ve also resumed my writing. I really want to finish by the end of the year. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll post some previews sometime.